Episode #049 Fake It Till You Make It

Not everyone is going to get it right. Sadly, there’s always someone quick to point out when your getting it wrong. It’s when you come under fire that you lose confidence quickly. So what do you do? Fake it hunny. Fake it till you can make it. In this podcast episode, I will teach you a few different ways to regain your confidence when it is lost.

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Podcast Transcript

Reclaiming Confidence

Not everyone is going to get it right. Sadly, there’s always someone quick to point out when you’re getting it wrong. It’s when you come under fire that you lose confidence quickly. 

To get past this kind of blow to our confidence, you need to understand these simple truths:

Not Everyone Has It Right. Not Even You

Haters are gonna hate. But just because someone comes at you with the most reasonable-sounding explanation in the world of why you’re an idiot (and you’re an expert at giving that speech to yourself), the truth is, the person doing the talking quite likely doesn’t know what they’re talking about. This is because of one simple truth: People really don’t know everything, and even when they think they do, they have a tendency to get things wrong. So just because something nasty has been said, it doesn’t make it right. Regardless of who it’s coming from.

A Lot of Criticism is Grounded in Jealousy

That disaster you’re beating yourself up over? How much of it was the result of the green-eyed monster? Too often, we give people authority over us they don’t deserve. We listen to their complaints thinking they’re right without questioning why they’re attacking what you’re doing. The biggest culprit of why you’ve drawn the attention of the critics is jealousy. Don’t let someone pull down your confidence just because they’re feeling threatened by where you are. 

You’re Better Than You Think

The loss of confidence can make you the critic. Why? Because now you’re looking for justification for thinking you’re no good. And trust me, when you go hunting for this kind of justification, you’ll always find it. Here’s where you need to back up and take a good, hard, impartial look at yourself. Ask:

• Is This Thought Really True? 

For example, you might be thinking, “I fail at everything I do.” Is this realistic? Probably not.

• If This Thought Isn’t True, What Emotion is it Coming From?

The most likely explanation? A lot of negative emotions come from fear. In the previous example, you might be afraid of failing, so by convincing yourself you’re a failure already, you no longer have to try.

• What’s a Truer Statement I Might Make Instead?

Try rewording the thought and keep it honest. ‘I’m afraid of failing, but since I’ve succeeded in the past, there’s good reason to think I will succeed now.” Try developing an “I Can Mentality”.

Confidence comes from accepting the reality of who you are and where you are. Remember, nobody, not even you, has a right to make you feel small. 

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4 Things You Need to be Doing Now to Reclaim Lost Confidence

Confidence. It’s such an essential part of who we are, that we become crippled when we lose it entirely. Even a ding on our confidence levels can have a way of setting us back or even derailing our day. This is why it’s so important to reclaim lost confidence quickly when you lose it. 

Thankfully, there’s been a lot of scientific study into confidence and what happens in the brain to inspire it. Read on to find out about 4 scientifically proven things you need to be doing right now to reclaim lost confidence. 

Start with a Vision

Perhaps one of the most underrated techniques to attain success is visualization. Most people look at this in surface terms. They might picture the project completed without taking the time to really envision the act in absolute detail. The thing is the more complex the visualization, the more likely you are to realize the success you’re striving for. Why? You’re actually building neural pathways designed to ‘trick’ your brain into thinking you’ve already succeeded, leading you to step out with a lot more confidence when you’re working toward your goals.

Use Affirmations Often

Silly as it seems, using positive statements about yourself frequently will turn into positive self-talk. This kind of internal dialogue bolsters confidence without you even realizing you’re doing it.

Win Lots

How many successes have you had today? Most people would probably say very few, focusing only on the big victories such as the promotion at work, or meeting some big relationship milestone. The thing is, our day is filled with small successes. By recognizing all these minor victories, you signal your brain that, yay, you did this thing. This creates a rush of dopamine (the ‘feel-good’ brain chemical) coupled with a dose of testosterone, which acts as an appetite for more victories, making petty wins addictive. All this together creates a biofeedback loop that pushes confidence levels higher the more you ‘win.’

Change Your Position

Body language tells the world everything they need to know about you. When confidence is low, you look it. Your entire body slumps, your limbs feel slack, and your energy levels drop down to nothing. But doing something so small as sitting up straighter or taking a more assertive pose, your body recognizes this as confidence. As a result, you start feeling more confident inside, whether you’d felt confident before shifting position or not. 

Understanding how the mind works make restoring confidence an easy task. These actions are all simple, easy to do things even when you’re not feeling confident at all initially. The results will speak for themselves.

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5 Steps to Fix Confidence Quickly

You didn’t even see it coming. One minute you thought everything was fine, and the next, you were looking at a disaster. The question is, what are you going to do next?

Confidence can take a hit anywhere, whether you’re trying to accomplish something new you’ve never done before, trying to get ahead at work, or even looking for that special someone. The problem is, without confidence, it’s hard to pick yourself up and keep going. Since you know the only thing standing between you and success in moments like this is you, fixing confidence is crucial. Lucky for you, these five steps should get you there quickly.

Fake It

In psychology, the phrase is to “Act As-If.” How do you do it? If you’re not feeling confident, act like you are. The funny thing is, once you get started, your body will kick in and will begin to find the old confidence for you all by itself. Don’t believe it? An entire Harvard study proved this to be true. 

Take Care Of Yourself

Things battering at your confidence can do quite a number on you. Covering up can only get you so far. Sometimes you just need to deal with the stuff that hit you hard in the first place. Here is where you acknowledge the emotional impact of what just happened. It might be you have some stuff to work through. The key here is not to go, so caught up wallowing in negative emotions that you forget to heal. Do what you need to process the situation, then move on. Sometimes therapy helps in this stage if you’re having more trouble than you know how to handle on your own.

Learn the Lesson

Failure hits confidence hard, but can also be an excellent teacher. Ask yourself what you can discover from this challenge and allow yourself to grow from the experience.

Make it Hard

Quitting is the easiest thing in the world to do, especially when your confidence is shattered. How to hang in there and restore your confidence? Making it impossible to give up. By using accountability partners or programs, you’ll find it harder to let go of the project and walk away. The upside to this? By being forced to keep going, your confidence will begin to rebound.

Look for the Accomplishments

Very rarely are you faced with a total catastrophic failure. Examine what’s going on. What things went right? Where are the successes? By noticing what you’ve accomplished, you’ll find your confidence comes creeping back. Just do not stop at the first sign of failure, stay motivated.

Confidence can be a tricky thing, but with some careful examination of what you’re already doing now and taking some solid action to put yourself back in motion, you’ll quickly find it’s not as hard to be confident as you once thought it was. Here then, are the seeds to your future success.