Are You Destroying Your Self-Confidence

How important is self-confidence?

A college study asked random people one question: What would it be if you could change one thing about yourself? The answers are what you would expect:

• “I want to lose weight.”
• “I wish I knew my purpose in life.”
• “I wish I had better friends.”
• “I want to get ahead at work.”
• “I wish I wouldn’t put things off.”

What you might not expect is a single unifying factor behind every one of these things. What these people wish for is confidence. Knowing who you are and what you want out of life and finding the determination to do these things all boil down to feeling good about yourself first and foremost. Every change you want to make is wrapped up in a more confident you. How do we know this? Simple. We look at what happens when self-confidence is gone.

Without self-confidence, you stall out. You struggle to accomplish things or even to get through the day. You might set goals, but you don’t realize them. In extreme cases, you become invisible, unnoticed at work when it comes time for promotion, or seen only lurking in dark corners at social functions. What’s worse is 9 times out of 10, we’ve done it to ourselves. We’re killing our self-confidence every day by the very choices we make.

What are some ways you might be taking down your confidence levels?

You Surround Yourself with Negativity
Hanging around people who put down either you or your dreams is a big mistake. You can’t help but lose confidence when constantly being told you’re wrong.

You Apologize More than You Need To
It’s one thing to say you’re sorry when you need to. It’s another entirely to take on everything as your fault. The minute you do that, you’re undermining yourself and your self-confidence by assuming you’re constantly in the wrong.

You Talk Down to Yourself
Self-talk is a powerful thing. We lose confidence every time we say something wrong about ourselves.

You Become Omniscient
When you start thinking you know what others think about you (usually negative), you assume you’re not worth knowing or interacting with. Frequently, this is coupled with the idea that you’re making a fool of yourself or that your thoughts have no merit. It’s no wonder your confidence has taken a hit.

You Give In
It’s normal to be afraid sometimes. Living in fear, though, wipes out confidence entirely. You start thinking you’re not capable of handling situations or even being able to take care of yourself.

You’re Too Agreeable
Saying ‘yes’ to everything means you don’t value your time. This is one of those more subtle ways you tear down your confidence without even realizing it.

You Hate to Fail…a Lot
To some people, there’s nothing worse than failure. With this mindset, you see only the disaster when things go wrong and probably take it personally. You destroy your confidence as a result.

You Think Everyone Hates You
Much like being omniscient, you make assumptions about people. This time you’re telling yourself no one likes being with you. Sadly, if everyone else hates you, it quickly becomes apparent you’re not too fond of yourself either.

You Can’t Accept Compliments
When you start to rebuff compliments by brushing them off, you deny a positive affirmation from an outside source. You’re also saying you’re not worthy of the praise, thereby putting yourself down again and ripping into your confidence levels.

You Try to Keep Up with the Neighbors
No matter how great your life is, you’ll always be able to find someone better off than you. These comparisons tend to end in putting down your own life as you chart your failures and try to figure out where you’ve gone wrong.

You Aim too High
Perfectionism tells you you’ll never be good enough. This kind of message creates a failure mindset, annihilating confidence.

You Don’t Set Boundaries
You can’t possibly think much of yourself if you let people walk all over you. When you do this, you’re saying your needs are unimportant. Worse, you’re telling yourself that you’re insignificant. It’s no wonder your confidence is a little battered.

You Close Yourself Off
You’re shortchanging yourself and them when you cannot open up with people. They never get to know the real you, while you never allow them to affirm you in the ways you need. Worse, you’re telling yourself your opinions and feelings don’t matter when you constantly keep them to yourself.

You Refrain from Forming Opinions
It’s essential to know what you believe in. When you refuse to take a side in an argument or a stance on some issue (even if it’s important to you), you’re again negating your thoughts and feelings.

You Live on Social Media
If you’re living vicariously through the friends on your feed, you’re lacking seriously in living your own life. You’ll start finding life is dull and even unimportant by comparison. Over time, this leads to the number one killer of confidence: Depression.

So, what can you do when you’ve knocked your self-confidence down to nothing and need to build it back up again? Try these simple tips:

Clean Up Your Act
Take the time to tend to your bodily needs. Shower and brush your teeth. Exercise, eat right, and get enough sleep. It’s easier to be confident when you’re feeling good.

Dress the Part
Much like grooming yourself, wearing clothes that make you feel good about yourself has a way of quickly perking up your confidence. Clothes should be clean and neat, in good repair, and you feel good when wearing them.

Change the Picture
How do you see yourself? If you’re not happy with who you know when you look in the mirror, start picturing the person you want to be rather than the person you think you are now. You’ll be amazed at what a change this makes in how you feel about yourself in the present.

Fix Your Posture
A confident posture has a way of helping you to feel secure. So, stand up straight!

Smile
Smiles work the way posture does. When you smile, you appear confident. They also bring out your natural confidence if you give them time to work.

Speak Well of Yourself
You wouldn’t want a lousy mouth as your best friend. Why are you putting yourself down? Focus on what you’re telling yourself. Even using affirmations might be helpful here until you get in the habit of thinking better of yourself.

Drop the Negativity
Take the negativity right out of the conversation. Instead, reword negative statements into positive ones. For example, don’t say, “I never know what to say,” but switch to “I have important things to contribute to the conversation.”

Do Someone a Solid
Helping someone else can make you feel terrific about yourself. It’s a win-win situation, as now the one you’re helping feels better too.

Do an Inventory
When self-confidence is low, it’s easy to think there’s not much good about you. Here’s where you need to take stock of things. Look at yourself and list the good things you’ve done or the traits you admire most. If you’re having difficulty with this, it might be easier to ask a close friend to help you with this step. Keep the list and read it often to remind yourself of these facts.

Act ‘As If
When you’re not feeling confident, sometimes it works to fake it. Surprisingly, your body tends to cooperate when you act as if you are self-assured and ready for action. The next thing you know, you’ll feel way more confident than when you started.

Prep Yourself
When you need to do something complex, practicing beforehand will always make you feel more confident when the time comes to act.

Take Your Time
Slow down. Taking time to speak or act always makes you seem more confident to others. As a bonus, you’ll feel more satisfied because you’ll feel surer of your actions and words.

Become an Expert
Nothing screams confidence, like knowing what you’re talking about. Take the time to learn something well until you feel like an authority.

Quit Complaining
Complaints put your focus on negative aspects of your life, dragging down confidence. Why even let yourself go there?

Clean the Chaos
When you’re surrounded by clutter, you start feeling disorganized and depressed. Taking time to declutter and neaten your surroundings helps you feel more in control of your life and more confident.

Live Your Life
Over time, inactivity leads to the feeling that you cannot do anything. Getting out and about, working toward goals, and accomplishing things give a sense of accomplishment. The more you experience all life has to offer, the more confident you’ll feel.

Fixing self-confidence takes work, especially if you’ve been actively picking it apart for a while now. Be patient with yourself as you focus on changing things for the better. Like any habit, it’s going to take time to create the behavior you want. It might be the best thing to help you will be something you thought of while working through this list. Keep open to possibilities and remember this essential thing…You are WORTH the effort.

–Cynthia Lee

Check out my podcast: Unlocking Your Natural Confident Mindset!